i don't know...
August 28, 2007
I feel like I’m dying in here…
I spent most of the early morning curled up in a little ball on the floor, moaning and sobbing like some little kid. This is not me. I mean, I cry, but not like that. Not ever.
Nettie said she’d talk to him…after I left a very, um…frantic message on her voicemail. Yes, still bawling. Her talking to him isn’t going to do any good. Why would it? I am expecting nothing. If you expect nothing, you can’t be disappointed.
What the hell is wrong with this picture? Why am I letting myself come so unraveled over some guy? He is not God. He does not own me or dictate my life. So why do I feel so pathetic and hopeless all of a sudden?
I still haven’t been to bed since two o’clock this morning.
I ate lunch over at Daggie’s place. She made toasted tuna sandwiches for Linda and me…and I already managed to throw mine up. It did not taste so good the second time around.
My gut still hurts. I still feel like crying. I feel angry, too…and frantic like an animal in a trap ready to gnaw off its own leg to get away.
I don’t get this at all…
Why must this be so damn difficult? Why must things like this keep happening?
When we are together…I mean, physically (and by physically, I don’t mean having sex, either…I just mean being together)…everything is perfect. I feel safe, happy and peaceful. I’m on cloud 9 and everything is wonderful.
And then shit like this happens. I just don’t understand…
This world would be a far better place if everyone just shut the fuck up!
