spider wrangler
September 12, 2007
Last night, I dragged my sleep-deprived butt into my bathroom to take a shower before I had to go to work. Little did I know, I was to be met by an uninvited guest.
In the tub, nestled right next to the drain, was the biggest fucking spider I have ever seen in my entire life-- not counting Justin's tarantula, of course.
I don't live in the Amazon or anywhere near a tropical rainforest. There is no desert nearby. Not even a frickin' beach. So, why there is a fucking huge spider in my bathtub is beyond me.
There it sat, big and brown and ugly as a turd...taunting me.
Which brings forth another question in my mind-- Why do spiders just sit there doing absolutely nothing for hours at a time?
WTF are they doing? Meditating?? (In my bathtub, no less...)
Or are they waiting for some much less observant human to step on them with soft-soled bare feet so they can sink their twelve-inch, venom-drenched fangs into tender flesh?
I don't know.
But this particular eight-legged motherfucker ended up getting scooped into a plastic cup and flushed down the toilet.
After all, there is nothing more honorable than a burial at sea.
Rest in peace, bitch.
