riding it out
February 12, 2008
Thursday is Valentines’ Day, and honestly, I’m not sure whether I’m excited about it or not.
I mean, on one hand, I’m happy that I get to spend some quality time with my sweetie…but on the other hand, V-Day is in my opinion just a clever marketing ploy designed to boost lagging sales of crappy chocolate, sappy greeting cards, tacky lingerie and let’s not forget that classic staple…the bouquet of stinky roses.
I’d be happy with a Dove bar and a big honkin’ sunflower…or not. In all honestly, I’d be fine with cuddling on the couch and watching a video. Which is what we usually do on Friday nights. And that’s fine. I don’t need the flowers, the candy or the fancy dinner.
While it’s very sweet that he wants to give me all of those things…wining and dining and all of that…his salary is kinda on the low end of the payday spectrum and I’d almost rather he spent his money on getting his car fixed and little things like making sure he has a roof over his head.
I think he realizes this and appreciates it…but he still insists on trying to spoil me. Which is very dear and makes me want to drop my panties.
I think I most definitely heart this man.
Which brings me to another topic all together…
The L-word.
Ah…so innocent…and so…deliciously…evil.
So, I’ve used the word before. But never aloud. I’m the cautious sort. I like to play my cards close to my chest. Preferably face down on the kitchen table. Or the bed…while barking like a dog and screaming for him to pull my hair.
Or not.
I digress…which in and of itself is not so unusual…
I firmly believe that this is a word which gets thrown around too casually. Does anyone really know what love is? Is it possible to fall in love when you’re seventeen? I was seventeen once. I thought I was in love once…maybe twice…
Was I really? Or was I in love with the idea of being in love?
I was one of those girls raised on fairytales and Motown. I grew up hearing Diana Ross and the Supremes cooing about unrequited love. I cheered for Cinderella when she ended up with her Prince charming. Didn’t every little girl?
This relationship I’m in now, though…it feels so different…
Maybe because I wasn’t looking for it?
In fact, when I first met The Boyfriend, I was so turned off by the idea of being in a relationship, I had tossed all momentos from ex-boyfriends into my woodstove and burned them to ashes. All the pictures, the stuffed animals, the love notes…gone. All of it. I was even tempted to smash my cell phone into blessed oblivion. Instead, though, I just erased all the offending text messages. I am too frugal, after all, to destroy a perfectly good communicative device simply because I ran afoul of one too many technologically-inclined assholes.
But now, I’m seeing things in a whole new light. Perhaps it’s a bit early to slip on the rose-colored glasses, but everything just seems too great to pass up. And why should I? After all the strife, I know I deserve happiness…so why the hell shouldn’t I enjoy it while I’ve got it?
And like I’ve said before…how would I know what real happiness was if I hadn’t gone through all the bullshit? As bad as it all was, it just had to be building up to something fantastic. I refuse to believe that this is a clever ruse.
I’m just not ready for the L-Word.
I think I’ll keep the training wheels on awhile longer and make an effort to enjoy the ride without having to worry about falling on my ass just yet.
