never again
February 15, 2008
D (Blue-Eyed Boy) and I chatted for a few minutes last night. Through e-mail.
He started joking with me as though nothing had ever happened, but I just couldn't get into it. He's not at all who I thought he was, and that really bothers me still. He hurt me so badly that I can't view him in the same light.
And being treated like a queen by The Boyfriend for almost three months now might have something to do with it as well. It's all made me a little bit stronger...and I simply refuse to be that same weak little girl tugging at his sleeve just to get attention from him.
I thought very carefully about it all...and then I sent him this:
You know something...I don't think this is a good idea. Every time we start talking again, things are cool for a few months and then one of us ends up pitching a fit and we get into a fight and don't talk for like half a year.
I care about you and all, but this is getting stupid. I just wanted to make sure you were doing all right and I wish you well and all of that. I'm not trying to be mean...I just think that logically it's the best thing.
Maybe I'll see you around or something and I'll talk to you then. Bye.
He laughed about it. Or so he said, anyway. But I know him too well to believe that.
And you know...he can say and believe whatever he wants to believe about me if it makes him feel better. I've just finally managed to put myself into a position where I no longer have to deal with it. Or let it hurt me.
Never again.
