West Virginia may be "Open For Business" but the Muffin Shop is closed, bitch
April 08, 2008
One of the most awesome things about living in the country is something I like to call the Random Animal Factor.
How often in a place like, say, New York City or LA or Dallas would you see a cow bolt into the middle of a main thoroughfare during the morning traffic rush?
I’d guess…not very.
I can’t even describe how funny it is to a see a huge black and white spotted ass weaving in and out between SUVs that, no doubt, belong to the wannabe country people who have moved down here from DC and Baltimore. I love seeing the classic “WTF” look these people inevitably have on their faces at times like these.
These people who move here to “get away from it all” always seem to be trying to bring the city with them…with its overcrowding, its crime, gangs, drugs, pollution. To them I say, “WTF”?
We don’t have a gas station on every corner, and not much stays open 24 hours a day except maybe the Waffle House. We’re conveniently devoid of Starbucks, and there’s not much in the way of “fine dining.” But, you know what? We’re doing just fine.
Stop bringing your crap with you! And your bad driving habits! (i.e. Maybe you'd drive better if I shoved that cell phone UP YOUR BIG FAT CORPORATE ASS!) Please leave those up in Baltimore where you came from! I can’t keep flipping you off…I’m developing a nasty case of carpal tunnel, and one can only say so many Hail Marys to excuse what has, it seems, become a permanent case of Potty Mouth.
We’ve got camping, hunting, fishing, bars, beer and fried chicken…and lots of lots of International Havesters. If you can’t handle it, then go back where you came from! Or you can just suck my big fat left titty, ya’ll…
