real women have BALLS
June 02, 2008
My body feels too soft and pudgy. I need to start running regularly again. I want to be hard-bodied…strong…invulnerable.
My back is too weak. It doesn’t hurt anymore, but I’ve been extra careful lately. I don’t want to pull another muscle. It sucks being laid up and treated like a fragile piece of glass. I hate being fussed over. It makes me feel incapable.
Thinking about joining the gym. A real gym…none of that women’s only fitness bullshit I got cajoled into with Curves. Curves, my ass. Real women have curves? Riiiight. More like sags and bags and double chins. WTF? I don’t want to be skinny really, but come the fuck on… I don’t want to be patted on the back by a bunch of chubby old ladies or feel like I’ve walked into the ultimate Pity-Me Because My Husband Walked Out On My Big Fat Ass And Now My Children Hate Me Sharing Circle of Death.
I want hard steel, heavy weights and mirrors so that I can watch all of my problem spots jiggle relentlessly and see exactly what I need to focus on and tone up. I don’t want “support” in the form of tearful hugs and t-shirts that say Congratulate Me On My 500th Workout!!! I want sweat and blood and a personal trainer screaming in my face until I feel his spittle running down my cheeks. I WANT to be treated like a goddamned machine! I WANT to stumble to the locker room, spend days afterward walking cowboy like I’ve just had the roughest sex of my life and feel the sweet burning of my poor soft abused girly muscles.
I want to work out beside MEN…who regularly use and understand simple little words like “harder” “faster” “more” “sweat” “sex” “woman” “man” “car” “football” “yes” “no” “food” and “grrrr…”
THAT is what I fucking want! DO YOU HEAR ME?!
And I will accept no substitute.
