minor irritations
June 11, 2008
I know I haven’t updated for awhile, but I’m still finding myself in a spectacular state of “blah.” There hasn’t been much innovation in my daily routine…basically, just work and sleep, work and sleep. In fact, last weekend as hot as it was, I slept for a record 20+ hours.
I was almost happy (emphasis on almost) to see my underwear spotted with blood this morning. Thank god, I’m not going fucking crazy after all…just temporary girly-type crazy. My hormones have been doing some weird shit to me this month, making me burst into tears at the slightest little thing. My moods have been so mercurial lately that I barely even know what the hell it is I’m feeling one minute before I’m on to the next thing, and then it’s all like, “Oh look! Shiny things!” and all is well with the world once more.
I feel lazy and frumpy, even though I’m losing weight and my “skinny” pants no longer fit the way they should. I guess all that sleeping means I haven’t been eating as much, which is great news. I tend to be an emotional eater, and I have no doubt that’s why I’ve waged such a hellacious battle with my weight my entire life.
My body is being generally irritating in other ways as well, you know, besides cramps and excessive bleeding from the crotch… I’ve got this rash appearing on my arms, and I don’t know if it’s because of the soap I use or maybe my laundry detergent or some weird insect bite. I have no earthly clue. Nothing says “sweet embraceable you” quite like tiny red blisters all over your fucking arms, believe me.
Apparently the junk mail fairy decided to drop in for an extended visit this week. I’ve suddenly somehow gone from getting maybe one or two junk e-mails a month in my inbox to getting, like, four hundred over the last two days. No, I do not need free prescription medication. No, I do not need a bigger penis. I am quite satisfied with the one I’ve got. And no, I REALLY do not need hot Asian nymphos sucking big American cock. Thanks, but no thanks.
In other titillating news, I bought my mother tickets to go see Trace Adkins for her birthday, so I suppose I will be forced to suffer through the show with her since her boyfriend will go nowhere near a country concert. Oh yippee…ki yi yay. I can hardly contain myself…or my bowels apparently…
Which brings me to the topic of shit…as in I took a really big one last night at work and it absolutely refused to go down the toilet when I flushed. And flushed again. And AGAIN. I swear, it looked like an uncircumsized penis. I didn’t know anyone’s asshole could stretch like that. It reminded me vaguely of that South Park episode where Stan’s dad takes a huge crap and people come from miles around just to gaze at it in wonder. I really could not believe it.
But enough about ass. Because I am sure I will make one of myself tonight at work as I do nearly every night. So with that, I wish you all sweet dreams and bid you a fond farewell. I’m fucking beat.
