ii lost two hours of my life last night
July 06, 2008
Allow me to cast my vote for “The Worst Movie Ever Made in the History of Man.” This dubious honor should really go to a little film called The Beast of Bray Road from 2005. It’s a movie that somehow manages to roll every imaginable horror cliché into one spectacular blood-soaked shit-fest. Seriously. This movie made me want to gouge out my eyeballs with my TV remote control.
The premise? A stupid-looking werewolf decapitates and eats the intestines of the citizens of a small Wisconsin town, while a cynical and perpetually angry cop and a socially clueless cryptozooligist try to unravel the mystery.
You’re dazzled, I’m sure. I know I was. The whole time I kept thinking to myself, “Oh my god…it cannot really be this bad, can it? It has to get better. It just has to!”
Sadly, I was deluding myself.
However, it was good for a laugh. The cringe-inducing dialogue itself is enough to make one pee oneself.
And you know what is the saddest thing of all about this flick? It was based on a “true” story. There really is a Beast of Bray Road, according to more than 200 eyewitness accounts dating from 1960’s in rural Wisconsin and various parts of Michigan. But, as far as anyone can tell, the Beast has never actually physically harmed a human being.
If you want real thrills and chills, you’d be better off reading Linda Godfrey's The Beast of Bray Road” or the often darkly humorous Hunting the American Werewolf” which detail several more recent eyewitness accounts and will have you so engrossed that you may begin to look over your shoulder when out alone at night. Trust me.
