department store logic
December 3, 2006
Working in a big name department store for the past two weekends has taught me some important stuff.
For instance:
Nothing says “Happy Holidays” like a life-sized cardboard cutout of Paris Hilton.
Britney Spears may be a skanky white trash ho, but her perfume sure smells nice, ya’ll…
If a door says “PUSH”…don’t try to PULL it open.
People who speak foreign languages seem to enjoy screaming at one another from the farthest distances possible.
Unless you are wearing a western-type outfit, cowboy boots are not the best choice for footwear.
Women who out-weigh…oh, I don’t know…GODZILLA...really shouldn’t wear spandex or shirts with horizontal stripes…especially if a shirt is made of spandex with a horizontal striped pattern.
Tall, fuzzy boots are UGLY, especially when worn with jeans tucked into them. Trust me…they may look cute on the shelf, but they DO NOT look cute on YOU…or anyone else, for that matter.
Christmas music really sucks.
And finally…
If you can’t find THE MALL…you know, the FUCKING HUGE MALL that the department store is attached to… don’t look at ME like I’M the one who’s stupid when I don’t know where the towels are. Cocksucker.
